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The Road to Georgia

I actually wrote this first entry the day I found out I was accepted into the TLG (Teach and Learn with Georgia) program. I’m just now posting it, but better late than never

December 7, 2011

After a week and a day of waiting for a decision following my interview, I finally received an offer letter from the Georgian Ministry of Education today! Yep, you read that right, the Georgian Ministry of freaking Education asked me, a small town Tennessee girl, to teach English as a second language to its students! First, let me just say that’s the Republic of Georgia (as in former USSR), not the state of Georgia. Though, I know from experience the state of Georgia could probably use a few English lessons as well (I kid, I kid……..mostly). Second, for those wondering I don’t really know if it qualifies as Europe or Asia, its pretty much the crossroads of the two and it depends on whom you ask. Thirdly, well, I don’t really have a third, I just like odd numbers

Now on to the gozillion thoughts and emotions flying through my head.

To be honest, my first thought was something along the lines of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAA HH!!!HOLYF*CKINGSH*TAHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHI’MSOHAPPYAHHHHHHHHH!!! Yep, I’d say that pretty much sums that initial feeling up, give or take a few AHH’s and Exclamation points. My second thought was, this calls for a bit of jumping up and down, and dancing to a bit of Party Rock in the bathroom mirror. That’s also known as my standard happy dance, and is reserved for my eyes-only and probably your imaginations now (I apologize for that). The third thought was more along the line of “sh*t balls, I only have a month to figure out the logistics of how I’m going to move to the other side of the world, and more importantly to make time for both my DC family and TN family.” That brought me down for a second, but then I remembered how much I know they love me, and how excited they are for me that I’m taking the chance to chase a dream. Learning that I won’t be able to see the people who helped me truly know and accept who I am for a minimum of a year is a hard pill to swallow. Of course, it’s not as if I am being forced to move to Georgia. However, I do feel with ever fiber of my being that this is the path forward for my life, no matter how hard it is to say goodbye.

The Road to Georgia

In January of 2011, while still working with the Navy, I experienced a life-altering event. A co-worker of mine decided that whatever he was going through was unsolvable and decided he would throw himself off of the building during work hours, resulting in his death. I was one of the few people in the Security Office that knew him, and stupidly my superiors decided that I should be the one to go through his personal effects on the very day he passed away. The reason for me to go through his personal effects was not to set them aside for his wife and two young children, but rather to make sure that he hadn’t stolen any sensitive work materials. I realized logically that it had to be done, but my heart couldn't help but recognize the sheer lack of respect for life in general that most work places show. I don’t know what all this man was going through in his personal life, or his background of mental illness, but it had been documented that he was unhappy in his current position, and had asked to transfer many times to no avail. I’m not saying that the job was the sole reason for his actions, but I have to believe that it played an integral part in his unhappiness. That day opened my eyes to my own unhappiness. It made me realize that though I could never follow in his footsteps, that I wasn’t going to bow down to that feeling of being trapped with no way out. I left the Navy less than a month later to join a small Government Contractor.

The Contracting job was mildly better than the Navy, however, I still knew the desk job and all those florescent lights were giving me soul cancer. That if I didn’t get out I would soon die a slow death by powerpoint, paper-cuts, carpel tunnel and self loathing. But there I still sat, with my well paying semi-Government job caressing my head, whispering in my ear while brain raping me into thinking that financial security is what leads to eventual happiness. I knew that my job and our cultural norms were lying to me. I knew that financial security for me, was pointing in the direction of a life full of regret. A life spent maintaining my clearance by avoiding anyone not born in the United States or avoiding traveling to many fascinating countries. A life of reluctantly buying into the "American Dream", settling down, and having children. Begrudgingly accepting a life that would lead to an obligation to stay in a soul sucking job to support this so called "dream", and all of this because I was too scared to risk something I didn't want in the first place.

As luck would have it, one fateful day in November, I was laid off. Usually when I tell people “I was laid off”, I’m met with the standard and somewhat awkward “I’m so sorry, that sucks”. I just smile and respond “Not at all, a congratulations is in order!” This is usually followed by a befuddled look, you know the “you were that special kid who licked the short bus windows, aren’t you” kind of look. Regardless of window licking habits, I can honestly say without a shred of doubt in my mind that being laid off was the absolute best thing that could have happened to me at this point in my life. As brave as I’ve wanted to be over the last 4 years , I never could quite order up enough gumption to pull a Johnny Paycheck and walk away from my carcinogenic career. When I was laid off that decision was made for me, I no longer had to worry about regrets either way! So there I stood liberated, and simply handed a second chance at life. A second chance to make major life decisions equipped with valuable information that my 22-year-old self couldn’t have fathomed knowing, most notably the acceptance of who I am and what I’m worth.

In an event, which the literary world refers to as ‘foreshadowing’, three days prior to being laid off I bought myself a Groupon for an ESL (English as a Second Language) Course in order to become certified to teach English overseas. I almost didn’t purchase it because at that time, logically I wouldn’t have a chance to use it due to aforementioned ‘safe job’. However, something in me just knew it was right, and that I would regret it if I didn’t. If my gut feeling and the available cheap ESL certificate wasn’t foreshadowing enough, I kid you not when I say that I was actually looking at googled pictures of the Republic of Georgia when the HR Manager came into my office to inform me they were letting me go. The next day I filled out my application for the program to teach English in Georgia, and the following day I had an interview set up. I breezed through the interview, and one week and a day later I am sitting pretty with a dream volunteering opportunity blogging about it for the world to see.